بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I hope you're reading this in excellent health! I've been thinking about writing something like this for quite some time, and alhamdulillah, I have finally had the guts, to put it in a way, to write it. I wanted to share with you something dear to me which I've found only after being diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis which is the beauty of Islam and all that Allah has to offer. I hope it helps you because it certainly has helped me :)
WHY ISLAM IS BEAUTIFUL
I wasn't as believing in Allah. No, this does NOT mean I didn't believe in His Existence (astaghfirullah, nauzubillah). What it means is that I didn't put my trust in God, didn't rely on him. To put it in today's slang; I didn't believe Allah had my back.
That is, until now.
Funny how I had to be paralysed neck down before realising that, indeed, Allah does have my back. You would think that someone in this state would give up hope, feel angry and frustrated at his Creator, perhaps even, thinking that He might have a mistake. Paralysed at 23; surely there has to be a mistake. But that goes to show how forgetful man can be, how absorbed we can be in this Dunya, this temporary playground for the disbelievers. And how quick we are to blame Him for all the wrongs in our life.
No, alhamdulillah, instead of turning my back to Allah, I turned to Him. It took quite awhile for me to actually turn to Him. Frankly, I was frustrated. I was disappointed. I was confused, very much so.
WHY? Why me? Why now? Why this? What have I done to deserve this? For awhile, a few months I would say, I was searching for a reason. The answer to all my questions. I didn't know what I was expecting, maybe for God to say, "You are a sinner and therefore, you are being punished." Don't ask me how. But then, after my return home from the long hospital stay, I realised how peaceful I felt, how at ease I was, a feeling I didn't feel when I was "healthy". Then it struck me, maybe this isn't a punishment, maybe this is Allah saving me from myself, saving me from His Dunya. As days pass by I felt more and more contented and at peace; I didn't worry as much as I used to, I wasn't as angry, I didn't feel as negative as I used to.
And there are several reasons to this. Firstly, "إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا", verily, WITH hardship, there is ease. I had to read up about this and watch several videos before understanding what it truly means (thank you, Ustaz Nouman Ali Khan, for the really awesome videos that helped me a lot during my times of doubts). To me, it means, even when you're falling down, Allah is there to help you. Even when you're in your darkest moments, even when you've hit rock bottom, Allah is there to help you. And I've experienced this time and time again, help when I least expected it. The other day, for example, I was woken up from my sleep because I was freezing, and I was alone and I was reaching for my blanket but it was just out of reach and I started to feel frustrated and I prayed, "Make this easy for me, Allah, as You have done in the past" and BAM! My maid decided to check up on me.
Another reason is because time and time again I've witnessed that everything happens for a reason. There have been occasions when things didn't go as plan but the results have always been better than what we expected. So now, alhamdulillah, I worry much less. I put in my effort, then I leave it up to Allah. And the results? Alhamdulillah, so far it has been mashaAllah!
And last but not least, the reason why I feel that Islam is beautiful is because when I feel like I have no one to talk to, when I feel like no one will understand, I start talking and begin my conversation with Allah and I feel so, so at peace, like He knows what I'm going through, like He understands. And truth of the matter is, He does; He knows and He understands.
To be honest, I never could find the time to talk to Allah when I was "healthy", I was too busy, too caught up in this hypnotising Dunya of His. I would never put Allah as my priority; it was always studies, friends, hanging out, and spending an unhealthy amount of time in front of my laptop. I was hollow spiritually and empty on the inside.
And something that I find so amazing, after turning to Allah in my times of despair and my times of joy, is that you are never alone even with no one around, you are never alone. You are never alone in your troubles, never. And this is what is so beautiful about Islam; when you learn to let go of this world is when you truly feel happy and contented and at peace in this world. I'm still learning to grasp this concept fully but holding on to that thought, believing in that thought has given me so much happiness, so much faith and confidence that everything will be alright because Allah has my back. And Allah has yours too.