Saturday, 24 May 2014

My Life with Transverse Myelitis Part 2

It was nighttime when they moved me to another section of the ER, the resuscitation area. I suppose this part of the room is for those who have stabilised and are waiting to be warded as it was much less chaotic, patients were put in rooms instead of being left out in the open like in the ER, and the medical staff were more relaxed compared to those attending to patients in the previous room.

I was placed in a room near the nurses' station. I felt much more at ease, maybe because it meant there was some kind of progress. However, the experts still didn't know what was happening to me or find what the problem was.

And I still didn't have a branula on me. (Short-term memory no more!)

Soon after being placed in the resuscitation area, I was wheeled off to get a CT scan and x-ray done. It was not an easy task, I was completely paralysed in my upper body and my lower limbs were weak. I found it extremely frustrating when the radiologists kept asking me to move and when I told them I wasn't able to do so, they asked me whether I could move anything at all. But alhamdulillah, despite the difficulties, they managed to get everything done.

I was wheeled back to another room. I was very thirsty and hungry, I haven't eaten or drank anything since I've arrived at the ER. Not that I had food on my mind what with my condition but nature kicked in and my body, despite what was happening to it, told me that it needed water and food.

I remember all my aunties coming to see me and someone getting me food (Hello again short-term memory), porridge from McDonalds. It was hard for me to eat despite my mother's best effort but I managed to eat enough to stop the hunger pangs.

Looking back, I wonder how my mother felt at that time. If it was worrying me to such extremes, how would have my felt seeing her only daughter in such peril.

Later at night three doctors came to see me; Dr. Tan and her comrades. She introduced herself as a neurologist. She asked me some questions about myself and about the state I was in; how did it happened, when did it happened; questions that have been asked and answered before.

What she asked me to do then surprised me; she asked me to stand. So, with the help of four women and a man, I tried standing up. I failed to do so. They hastened to put me back on my bed and unfortunately, with much difficulties. But, alhamdulillah, I was back in my bed.

It was after my attempt to stand that I became paralysed in my lower body. When I tried to move my legs, they stayed limp and unmoving. Oddly enough, I wasn't as panicked and anxious as I was before. So, calmly I told my mum that I couldn't move my legs. I saw the look on my mother's face and I knew she was very worried. Immediately she asked one of the nurses to inform Dr. Tan.

It was a very surreal feeling, being completely paralysed. It hasn't sunk in, it wasn't that I didn't want to believe that I was paralysed, I couldn't. It wasn't something you thought would happen to you; paralysed at 22.

When this happened, I was 5 days away from sitting for my 3rd final exam paper. The plan was for me to pass my finals and continuing on with my 3rd year. But this was my plan. God had other plans for me. As corny as it sounds, but God had the perfect plan for me and as crazy as it sounds being paralysed was part of it.

But I couldn't fathom this, couldn't process it at that time. In fact, there wasn't a lot that I could process at that time. I was in a daze, just looking at things going around me; I remember seeing all my aunties and my mum with worried looks, I remember this doctor trying to insert a branula in me and failed, I remember falling asleep until they woke me up to tell me there were moving me to another place...

(To be continued)

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